So, over here on the homestead which I have lovingly called Moon Bloom Meadows - I've been spending the week doing a lot of medium sized things that had me overcoming some BIG sized resistance.
The kind of resistance I’m talking about…
That icky, bleh feeling when you don’t really want to do the things - even though you do kind of want to do them and you definitely know you should do them and you’re going to be oh so happy when you do do them… that kind of resistance.
So, I wanted to take you through my process that I’ve been using this week and share how my fave self goes about doing things that give me the bleh.
I work in a way and I don't think this will come as a surprise to anyone that is gentle and kind to myself.
Yea, I still get shit done, but I'm not hard or harsh or tough or mean on myself.
I get it done in a way that makes the experience as enjoyable as possible. I figure that the results are the same at the end (the thing gets done, I feel really proud and accomplished), so why can’t the journey of getting it done be as nice and high vibe as possible?!
Why we resist (even when we want to do the thing)
First I want to talk about resistance and why we feel it… why it holds us back…
It's been my experience that the main things about resistance are:
You don’t want to get it “wrong” or fail or screw things up
You’re so overwhelmed you have no idea where to start
You have the highest standards and if you can’t do it perfectly, you’d rather not do it at all
My Resistance Reset 🖤
These are ALL things I came up against this week, and my method of getting shit done… my “Resistance Reset” if you will, tackles every single one of these issues.
Step 1: Clear your head
Before I do anything - I get myself in the right frame of mind - which might sound like procrastinating at first, but stick with me on this.
I don't let myself prepare all day long. I just take 5 or 10 minutes and I do one of a couple things: I take a short walk outside to give me some energy and clear my head for the project, or I do some tapping on feeling the bleh resistance, or I do a really quick short meditation.
I love to do these things because it gets you at that base level of calm. If you're already feeling uppity about it or if you're already feeling some resistance or pain to something, it's just going to be an even bigger struggle if you start off with a bunch of icky feelings.
However, if you're feeling nice and calm instead of ick, it's much easier to get into it!
The two things I dealt with BIG resistance around this week were hanging curtain rods and curtains in my bedroom (yes, something that simple, please don’t judge), and putting together my new home office.
I was feeling resistance around both of them for two different reasons.
The curtain rod thing… I've only hung curtains once and it was a complete disaster, they kept falling down, I was really young and stubborn and really didn’t know what I was doing!
AND I absolutely love my bedroom and I love this home that I'm putting together so I felt a lot of pressure about getting it right and not absolutely destroying the walls in this house.
Then for the office… it was just going to be a lot of work.
That room had become my storage/dump room while moving into this house, so you couldn't even open the door since I had so much furniture and all of my books from my library in there.
Plus, I had to rebuild two Ikea wall unit shelves on my own, after moving everything out of the room - it was just a whole long process.
I felt resistance for two different reasons but I used the same formula I'm going to walk you through to overcome them both (and spoiler: I did it and it turned out even better than I had imagined)!
Step 2: Set the vibe
Step two (after clearing your mind and getting to that calm, peaceful feeling) is to set the scene.
No matter what, I always make myself a beverage I really enjoy - so a matcha, a fresh cup of coffee, some electrolytes in my water, a sparkling water, Coke Zero…
Then I put on music that gets me moving! I do love podcasts and audiobooks, but I find that music - especially a playlist that you can kind of bop along to, sing along, boogie along to while you're working - keeps me way more high vibe and way more motivated than a podcast or an audiobook.
I also put on an outfit that makes me feel capable. So as funny as it sounds, I will put on one of my band tees that has more of a badass logo like a skull on it or flames. I don't know, it just gives me that extra oomph that makes me feel a little bit more powerful.
Then - if I can - I light a candle. That's one of my favourite things ever - I love lighting candles. This time of year, I have two that I love: one is “peony petals” and then the other one is my all-time favourite candle ever, it's “fresh cut lilacs” from Bath & Body Works.
And sometimes if I'm feeling really, really, really, really resistant to something I will pull an affirmation card.
It's something that is so simple. Give a quick shuffle. Place the deck on your heart. Ask the deck ‘What do I need to hear most at this moment?’ Split the deck, pick a card, boom there you go. Then just have it sitting out where you can see it and remind yourself of how great life really is.
Now, for the bigger, scarier things that I truly dread - like getting stuff together for my taxes or dealing with a really uncomfortable email or phone call - I will go stand in front of the mirror and give myself a pep talk.
Actually hype myself up and remind myself of one of my all-time favourite things: It's going to work, it always does, and it's going to be even better than you can imagine.
Step 3: Just start somewhere (even if it’s messy)
K, once you’re ready and the scene is set - I just get into it. I'm pretty Type B, not that organized, it's not my nature to create any sort of plan when I attack things - so I just grab what's closest and go from there.
With the office, I just grabbed what was closest to me and decided quickly at that moment - what needs to be done with it? Do I need to move it? Do I need to put it somewhere else, where it belongs? Then I grabbed the next thing and I just went from there.
I get that this may not be the most effective way of doing things, but the point of this is to find what works for you.
That's really the whole basis of becoming your fave self - to find what works for you.
For example, when my mama and I work on projects together - she has like a 20-step plan. That's what works for her and that's what makes her happiest.
For me - I can get overwhelmed with not knowing where to start - that I just have to start.
Once I get into momentum, I stay in momentum.
And of course, I’m enjoying the process - listening to my music, sipping on my drink, having a good time.
Step 4: Know your slippery slopes
I do let myself take breaks but I'm really conscious of it. I don't let myself wander too far away from my project for too long because I am somebody who will not come back to it.
I don’t go outside for “fresh air” because I know I’ll end up walking around the property and not come back to my work. I don't pick up the phone and start scrolling through social media. I definitely can't go make myself a snack. That's one thing I do not let myself do in the middle of a project because I will make a snack and then there's the clean up and then after I eat I always take a little walk outside with the dog… it’ll be the end of things for me.
Obviously, I'm gentle with myself and I give myself a break if I need it to refill my beverage or use the bathroom but I don't let myself take a lengthy break that's going to completely derail me because that's just me knowing myself!
Step 5: Celebrate like your fave self would
When the project is done or when I'm done for the day I do something really nice to celebrate myself.
I will literally give myself a high five - just smack my hands together over my head and tell myself out loud that I crushed it and I’m super proud of myself.
Then I'll do something I really like to do to celebrate.
Sometimes it's as simple as just grabbing my book and a bowl of fresh berries and going and sitting on the deck. Maybe I'll take a nap (I certainly did after tackling the office). Or maybe I'll put on some episodes of 90 Day Fiance and relax on the couch.
Just something to celebrate myself and appreciate the fact that I did the thing that I didn't want to do and I feel so much better now that it’s done.
Because that’s the thing - the feeling of resistance or bleh is often worse than actually doing the thing is!
Don’t make resistance mean anything about you
Another important point I want to point out about resistance is being really careful to not make it mean anything about you.
Sometimes when dealing with resistance or procrastination we can get it in our heads that we're lazy or we're behind or we're failing. Or we're stupid for not knowing what to do next or we're disorganized or we're unmotivated or whatever label that you can really easily put on yourself.
Then we can feel even worse about it and feel even guiltier.
Don't do that to yourself.
Resistance is something that all of us feel from time to time, but it is just a feeling. It's just passing like a cloud in the sky. It is not your personality, it is not who you are.
It is just a moment where you feel a bit of ick and it is totally possible to overcome that and move on just like the cloud in the sky will move on.
So please don't let it mean anything about you.
Reframe it: Resistance = growth
And one last thing that may really help with resistance is reframing it into something that is actually helping you.
When you're feeling resistance, you can view it as a bit of a challenge.
A challenge that once you face it and overcome it, you're stronger.
You're more capable. You're greater every time you feel resistance, and move through it anyways.
You can view it as an opportunity for you to become even greater.
Because it's been my experience that resistance will never go away forever. The situation changes but there will be days and there will be times where you feel that bleh to something - but - if you're able to view it as an opportunity to grow, to overcome, to learn something - it also makes it a whole hell of a lot easier to deal with.
Your recap (in case you need it all in one place)
So, to recap: get in a good headspace, set the scene, find a way to work that works for you, know your boundaries, celebrate yourself, don’t let it mean anything about you, and reframe it as a situation that is only making you greater.
And as always - this is what works for me - I encourage you to find what works for you. Take what you like of my advice, leave the rest.
If you have anything you’d like to share that works for you when it comes to overcoming resistance - I’d love to read it 🖤
-K